Thursday 26 January 2012

All void please

It's been one of those periods. I thought that I was so immune to the feeling of God being absent that it did not really bother me. God tangibly present? That's awesome. God seemingly not there at all? Not much of an issue. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

But this one was bad, as I didn't even have myself to fall back on. Lots of nice subject positions dissolving into thin air. Lots of new and empty subject positions clamouring to fill the void. All I could do was resist and think: actually I'll have the void. The void is my friend.

And I know it sounds sort of smug, but I've got the spiritual resources to handle this. Just because others do not have them does not mean that mine are merely a self-soothing delusion. I enjoy the void, I enjoy it when my mental constructs are crumbling apart, I enjoy not knowing where this is going.

You make no sense to us. We don't believe in a six-day creation and don't believe in the seas opening up and don't believe in supernatural miracles. We find it hard to inhabit these fairy tales as our identity. Our dead are being eaten up by worms as we speak. There was no empty tomb for the people we loved. And it's hard for us to "get" you at all.

Our mistake was to be born in this disenchanted age, with a global capitalist empire that seems to big for us to change. It's not fair. We 're not worse people than the previous generations. We are a lot more confused. We'd love to make sense of you just a bit. Just that bit which would enable us to be your people for now, and enable our children to be that too.