I was thinking about my next post in here, and wished I knew a website that does snazzy little curves.
I would have used it to illustrate my level of churchiness these days, which has taken an alarming downward turn. The curve would have landed in the bootom right corner of the screen into an abyss of "I don't feel like anything churchy or God-related or none of that stuff at all". Sleeping in for Jesus on a Sunday, or reading a big fat copy of the Sunday Times with a pot of tea and croissants, sounds absolutely great and that's exactly what I've been up to recently.
During the day, my mind is thinking "No more God!", "God feels like air that's too thin, it's way too insubstantial! I want God to have coffee with me, not feel like some sort of imaginary friend that can't even be seen or felt or nothing", "Church's boring! The same words every week that I try to mean and succeed less and less each time".
And then at night, my dreams are so full of God that it's scary. In actuall dreams (not just half-awake dreams) God is there all the time, teaching me cool stuff that I never thought about and go on to forget immediately, demonstrating love to me in lots of strange and wonderful ways. In actual dreams, I'm more churchy than your average carmelite. I wake up and my head is still full of the stuff and I think something along the incredibly subtle line of: wtf?
