Appointment with the midwife today. Twenty five weeks and a textbook perfect pregnancy so far. Our son is the right size, has no detectable anomalies whatsoever, a regular heartbeat and he energetically kicks around all the bloody time. I've got no complications apart from an oddly reassuring nausea (hormones pumping and all...).
I'm starting to think that it's time I started to trust again, that I can, again, just rejoice in the fact that I'm alive, healthy and happy. But I can't help thinking that I'll believe it when I see it. I wonder if I'm on to something here...
What exactly is the process of beginning to trust again? I wonder if again we need to liftour understanding of the Gospel a bit beyond Sunday school level... Does "men of little faith" mean: "you clearly haven't got a lot of faith and you'd better find a way to muster up some". Or does it imply a question along the lines of "what hurt is killing your trust? How can it flow again?".
It strikes me me that Jesus does not condemn Thomas' "lack of belief", but provides the experience that enables Thomas to start trusting again after the trauma that he has been through. Same with the Emmaus guys...
Now this raises some issues as well. I'm not saying you can only "trust" or "have faith" when things are going well for you. Instead, as I've stated before, I believe that one can have a terminal illness and have this trust. To some extent we all have it, it's just a matter of tuning into it.
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