I burst into tears right in the middle of the street each time I see a child or young adolescent for fear that they will grow up to throw themselves under a train.
H. screams in the middle of the night while he sleeps. This didn't even make the news anywhere. Not even the local news...
4 comments:
God, Danielle, I'm sorry. Sad times. I'm currently working with three people who are on the brink of doing something similar. Sometimes, people get so deep into the darkness that there's not much we can do to chip in. So, we pray and wait and hope (and wonder if the meds will kick in soon enough).
I took a nap on the weekend and I dreamed that the ghost of one of these people walked by my window weeping while I slept on the couch.
~
There was a girl I worked with in Toronto named Becky. She'd been through all the nightmare stories that come with being homeless as a young female. However, she managed to get clean, get an apartment, and find a decent job. The last time she was seen she was really upbeat and excited that her life was finally coming together and her (good) dreams were coming to fruition.
A few days later, shortly before Christmas, she jumped in front of a subway train. They used a firehose to collect the pieces that were left. I guess the numbers in Toronto average off to one jumper per day, although the Christmas season is definitely the worst.
I wrote a poem for Becky.
A city full of ghosts and shadows stained grey.
Catching glimpses of the skin of children wrapped in cardboard.
Born of angels
Who fell a long, long time ago
And forgot that they could fly.
“She’s still a trigger and I’m still reliving
The trauma caused by beauty and searching for a stronger muse.
But I only find
Her voice in parking lots
And her reflection in the windows of this train.”
Lord, have mercy. It ain't fuckin' easy.
Shit, broke the name rule. Feel free to edit/delete that last comment.
Sorry, last comment. It might not have made the news because this sort of action tends to have a ripple effect on others who are on the verge of doing something similar. I've seen that a number of times in the program in which I work -- one kid attempts (or succeeds) and a whole bunch of others are triggered to attempt (or succeed). So maybe it was concern (and not apathy) that led to the media silence...
Thanks for that Dan. Sorry I did not get back to you sooner, I don't tend to check my blog when working down in Leeds because it feels awkward at the office and I've never bothered to install the internet at home.
I know what you mean about dreaming about the ghost of desperate individuals. My thinking is so warped at the moment that all I can think of is the distance and indifference that allowed this to happen, she seemed a fairly standard schoolgirl, but maybe you're right and in many cases there is little than can be done.
You're also right about the ripple effect. That's why I did not put the card out.
Are you still working at the same place? I need a postal address for you because there's an hilarious book I thought you might like. You are pretty much guaranteed to wet yourself laughing, I sure did. Let's get some comic relief in there...
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