While browsing the Penguin History of the Church series, I read a passge that I've thought about maybe a hundred times since. It's about despair and our response to it.
The authors basically states that two of the most moving figures of Christianity, Luther and Loyola, were basically confronted with the same issue: no matter ho hard they tried to be relevant Christians, they failed pretty badly and freaked out.
And then our two guys came up with two separate answers. Luther's was: "So what you fail? That will never stop God from loving you. You are saved by grace through faith. The life open to you is one of gratitude". Loyola's answer was: "So what you fail? That does not stop God from loving you, just give the Christian life your absolute best shot".
I can't help but loving both answers. I believe they are both right but also, somehow, lacking without one another.
So anyway, while I've spent my twenties revelling in the simple and beautiful Lutheran piety to be found in the work of Bach (and the Schemelli songs in particular*), I've just got into Loyola. Most websites are quite defensive about the Spiritual exercises, shying away from publishing them online because apparently you really need to do them in a rereat and not just read them online.
But here there are anyway. It's too bad I spend two thirds of the time reevaluating them for consumption by the wishy-washy liberal universalist that I am. The passion and the commitment to be found in them is stupendous.
So that leaves me wanting to be a quasi Lutheran, married, female, wishy-washy liberal, universalist Jesuit. And why not?
*Here's just one example, not the best, just the first I could find. I credit these songs for instantly soothing me in every situtation I've ever been in since first coming across them. German is the true language of love!
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