So I guess that sleeping was not so bad, as I woke up with a clearer mind, and an inner injunction not to give up on my critical ability: "Dany, you know better than this". Um, let's see...
There, I had been doing volunteering in a drop in centre as an undergrad. I have also chatted with quite a few homeless people who were not interested in ever coming close to a drop in centre. Those who would rather stay out on the street were not ready to be labeled as "homeless". They were not "bums". They hated it at the drop in: the unsavoury characters, the condescending staff, they just loathed it. Not infrequently they loathed me too. And I thanked God for their pride.
So yes, Edinburgh has got lots of structures that attend to the homeless poor, but once someone starts using those structures they can become assimilated as "charity cases" in a way that will end up destroying their self esteem. Instead of rehabilitating them, it entrenches them further as "failures". It's very similar to an argument that Poserorprohet was making about criminals being forever entrenched as criminals as soon as you hand them over to a system that supposedly works towards rehabilitating them.
On Saturday night, the kid told me just that: "I'm not this down, I hate it at the drop in, it’s just horrible". Clearly, this kid had not been homeless for long: there was so much passion in his eyes, so much readiness to engage in conversation. "I hate it there, it’s full of bums, they steal from you, I’m just trying to raise enough money so I can sleep at a normal hostel".
I’d asked if he had a phone number, or an e-mail address. He had neither. And I did not even think to ask about the hostel he usually stayed at. I just walked away to see my play.
And right now I’m just sad. Sad that I always seem to think too late and sad at the missed opportunity. Furthermore, I'm convinced that it’s missed opportunities of this type that entrench people further into despair: it’s the near misses that do most of the harm! And this was an opportunity that this kid was giving me, he offered me his trust, he engaged with me, and I just ended up walking away.
Please God, I’m sorry I was so stupid. Please be there for this kid. Please don’t let him bear the consequences of my "near miss". Please forgive me. Please teach us better.
(Sometimes I think I really should journey on the receiving side -and sooner rather than later-. I’m useless at "giving" unless I have been on the receiving end. Maybe I should make myself vulnerable on purpose. Maybe that would rid me of my skewed subject positions.)
There, I had been doing volunteering in a drop in centre as an undergrad. I have also chatted with quite a few homeless people who were not interested in ever coming close to a drop in centre. Those who would rather stay out on the street were not ready to be labeled as "homeless". They were not "bums". They hated it at the drop in: the unsavoury characters, the condescending staff, they just loathed it. Not infrequently they loathed me too. And I thanked God for their pride.
So yes, Edinburgh has got lots of structures that attend to the homeless poor, but once someone starts using those structures they can become assimilated as "charity cases" in a way that will end up destroying their self esteem. Instead of rehabilitating them, it entrenches them further as "failures". It's very similar to an argument that Poserorprohet was making about criminals being forever entrenched as criminals as soon as you hand them over to a system that supposedly works towards rehabilitating them.
On Saturday night, the kid told me just that: "I'm not this down, I hate it at the drop in, it’s just horrible". Clearly, this kid had not been homeless for long: there was so much passion in his eyes, so much readiness to engage in conversation. "I hate it there, it’s full of bums, they steal from you, I’m just trying to raise enough money so I can sleep at a normal hostel".
I’d asked if he had a phone number, or an e-mail address. He had neither. And I did not even think to ask about the hostel he usually stayed at. I just walked away to see my play.
And right now I’m just sad. Sad that I always seem to think too late and sad at the missed opportunity. Furthermore, I'm convinced that it’s missed opportunities of this type that entrench people further into despair: it’s the near misses that do most of the harm! And this was an opportunity that this kid was giving me, he offered me his trust, he engaged with me, and I just ended up walking away.
Please God, I’m sorry I was so stupid. Please be there for this kid. Please don’t let him bear the consequences of my "near miss". Please forgive me. Please teach us better.
(Sometimes I think I really should journey on the receiving side -and sooner rather than later-. I’m useless at "giving" unless I have been on the receiving end. Maybe I should make myself vulnerable on purpose. Maybe that would rid me of my skewed subject positions.)
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