The spirit of prayer

It's so unsettling when all the truth I have to offer is: "I just can't pray, there is no prayer in me, and that's it for today I'm afraid".

Part of me thinks: it'll come back, relax! Your inability to pray is a prayer too anyway, and just because you don't "feel" it doesn't mean God is not there. You're still a subject of Christ the king, remember? Nothing can alter this and your emotions are irrelevant. God will get you to pray when he wants to. Meanwhile you get on your knees anyway and you beg for your spirit of prayer to return. That's the deal.

The other part of me thinks: I hate being in that spot. I don't want to let the sun go down on this state of affairs. I'll do anything. I can't loose this. I feel like an inarticulate puppet without it. I'm so scared of loosing it forever. I want my spirit back! I want my spirit! And I cling to my BCP, not reading it, just clutching it. Fucking pathetic.

My conclusion is that I think I'll tolerate this for a week at most. By then it will probably be so unbearable that I'll end up exploding into a massive emotional tantrum, and have a bit of an "explanation" with God. This is becoming a familiar pattern, I know it well by now.